You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
