I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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