I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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