Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize