It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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