You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
