I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
