Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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