i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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