Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
we should paint friendship bongs
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