Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
