i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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