peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize