I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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