Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
