4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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