i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
