At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
