Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
