yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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