Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
