we should wear snuggies to the strip club
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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