just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
