he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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