You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found a bag of teeth...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
