you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
