Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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