you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
