Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
