Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize