Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
