We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
