i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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