Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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