I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
