Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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