the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
