why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Bring me that man meat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
