So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
