first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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