I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
