omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
