I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
