everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
