I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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