Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
