She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Congratulations! We have a period
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
