Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
