i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
