At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize