The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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