You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
