I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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