FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
