I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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