dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize