Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
