I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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