I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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