oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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