My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
