Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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