I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
