I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
