And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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