There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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