the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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