I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize