You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
