i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize