My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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