Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
