Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
