So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
