are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
