he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
