Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
