There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
