youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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