so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
