If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
