Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
