I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
