My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And then he peed in my hair
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