you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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