My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
