I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His nipple licking is glorious
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