there's paper in my vomit.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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