It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
