So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
