It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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