He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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