I CAN MOONWALK!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
