There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
