I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
