I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
