My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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