I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
