I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
