Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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