Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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