would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
