I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
