Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
