this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
