He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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