you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
